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Winner: The Monthly Lighthearted Poetry Contest #6
by Yolanda Barton
by Yolanda Barton
An ode to cringe-inducing language
The room of hated terms
Is tip-top filled, ram-packed with pretentious gewgaws
Like Hyacinth Bucket’s lounge.
Here, the only thing to consume
Is frangipanes, laid out bountifully beneath
The settee emits a frisson of feeling
As I sit. My pedometer,
Which lives on my phone and detects footsteps,
Not sexual deviants, as the name suggests,
Anticipates a cheat day. Anorectic
Impulses (the actual medical term
For the silent murderer)
Piggyback, swelling, bloating, increasing
In the stuffy hush. There’s no real justice
That utterance brought by the Normans
Which always makes me wonder if I’ve wronged,
impudent, and someone wants a quick word.
There are decadent sins I’ve committed, no doubt.
I’ve not been a good girl. No. Someone’s been naughty.
I have used my influence, some unknown privilege
To secretly demonstrate I am not a team player.
There must be some punishment
For my problematic ways; shame on me.
An insolent rejection of mucky, abhorred words
That make my flesh crawl. Thrash me with a spatula.
Yolanda Barton is a poet, artist and author based in Oxfordshire, UK.
Yolanda sees poetry as a way to connect, convey ideas and preserve
memory, including memories that are inconvenient to society or
undesirable to authority. She also writes factual articles under a nom de
plume for politics journals. Yolanda has lived and worked in Nottingham,
both during the boom years and the crash, and in South Korea and Taiwan,
all of which strongly influences her work. She has also studied at the
University of Nottingham and Oxford, and was published at both universities,
including in the Oxford Forum Journal. She is to be published this year in
the 4th Blue Hour Anthology, Snow Leopard's 'Strength,' and in Nothing
Books' latest poetry anthology for the Mind mental health charity.
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