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Love in a Handful of Dust: electron love
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electron love

by kirk ramdath

junior high teachers asked us to count
my shocking math
was sixty hours in one week
no one else watched as much
sixty hours sinking
into electric flicker
twenty-one inch panasonic
panoramic receptacle of youth
different days than trinidad
where we had one tv station
good enough for
(which my mother never let me watch)
later, i find out
racoons and beachcombers are canadian!
i watched those too
but molly’s reach competed
without success
against caribbean sun —
eight years old,
hot day playing in construction site
circular heights, san fernando
blood drips from my nose
lands in bulldozer tracks of hardened clay
years later —
hoofing a backpack up kananaskis trail
view of prairie in the distance
but at my feet,
topsoil washed away by rain
reveals clay
between these clay-coloured memories,
seventeen years —
the rise and fall of tv in my life
consciousness captured by electron flow
now i only want to look at these alberta rockies
grasp lessons in rock silence —
birth, life
lucky accidents
son to catherine
unwavering woman
woman of virtue
took her children from life in trinidad
to better life in foreign land
where all she knew was work
two children to feed and clothe and love
beautiful woman, what about you?
she traded her chance to watch us grow
to earn money she needed
for food we needed
to grow
mother at work —
so easy to push the button
prime time for ten year olds
is saturday morning cartoons
i recall with clarity
the man-sized talking rat named splinter
was a man in japan
named hamato yoshi
his nemesis, the evil shredder
was a man in japan
named aroko saki
before splinter becomes leader
of a fearful foursome
of pizza-loving teenage turtles
before shredder becomes leader
of the clan of robot ninjas
the foot
hamato yoshi and aroko saki
are clanmates in japan
aroko saki frames hamato yoshi —
stabs a knife through the back of his tunic
prevents hamato yoshi from bowing to his sensei
(his first offense)
hamato yoshi pulls the knife
tries to explain
but appears to threaten his sensei
he is exiled from his clan
and from japan
in perpetual disgrace —
this cherished moment in my life
has nothing to do with me
i was hooked on a drug
that needed no guts or lungs
to penetrate my mind
until life became
what’s on tv —
the first girl who moved me
brown-haired beauty alyssa milano
samantha on
who’s the boss?
badass cutie
trouble in school
crazy bangs
i always thought
she was crazy cool
later, alyssa in a tv movie,
dance ‘til dawn
high school hotties, stressing about prom
and possible penetration
alyssa milano is in a car with a boy
at makeout point,
making out
his lips are on her lips
i blink
can such lips exist?
can such lips be kissed?
suddenly, those aren’t his lips
my lips are on her lips
my lips receive
alyssa’s kiss —
alyssa’s kiss
creates an itch
i’m watching tv
but i swear i see
alyssa’s body
in front of me
breasts that i have never seen
suddenly are all i see
a thousand feathers brush my body
a thousand trucks ram my head into a wall
i find the itch
i scratch
i stroke
fireworks explode around me
so loud, so bright
i can’t hear or see
alyssa alyssa alyssa!
alyssa… where is she…
she was never here
there is nothing to see
just electron love
stored in memory

electron love
- 5 -
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