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Longing

by Aashika Suresh

The attic in the café I visited today made me think of you. Yesterday, it
was a movie- a musical. Day before, it was the tea I had for breakfast,
a beverage you often drink but I seldom do, and the day before that, it
was the idea of a summer sky. You always find ways to slip into my
consciousness, worming your way through any tiny crevice in the corner
of my mind I try so hard to keep you boxed in. Some days, I yearn to
talk to you of the idiosyncrasies bobbing in my head. Like the time I
wondered if we could make a living from capturing the scent of paper in
a perfume bottle. Or if telepathy will someday let me know what you are
thinking; I’ve always wanted to get inside of your head. But it’s the nights
that are especially hard- when promiscuity spreads herself out in the
darkness, reaching out, callously teasing the living hell out of me about
things I couldn’t possibly have. All I can think of is knotting my fingers in
your hair, running my tongue down the length of your body, pressing my
lips against your cheek, your eyelids, the tip of your nose, your earlobe,
the crook of your neck; your head pressed against my chest, my chin
lost in your hair, us panting in unison like depraved ghouls. I grow my
fingernails long just to imagine them tracing your spine, leaving crimson
crescents like bloody moon steps etched upon your skin. Given the
chance, I would have had you wrap your arms around me, like curving
ivy, and in reciprocity, I would have entwined my legs about your middle,
death grip rocking us back and forth like a crib. That image- of us tangled
up, parts of us missing in the clefts of the other so much so that we look
like a single-stemmed being- keeps me stirring into wee hours, long past
bedtime. When I do manage to fall asleep, it is with that ghost of us in my
embrace.

This is what longing feels like.


Biography
Aashika Suresh is a financial journalist from the coastal town of Chennai,
India. She has been writing poetry since she was five. Her poetry has
been published with
Bones, Ashvamegh, and Visual Verse in  the past
and she was also placed in the top 30 finalists of Wingword Poetry Prize
in 2017. She is in love with the works of Sylvia Plath, Marie Howe and
Sarah Kay.
World's Best Poems, p. 21

Longing

by Aashika Suresh
(Velachery, Chennai, India)

First Place: Under 25 Poetry Contest #2
Originally Published in
Wax Poetry and Art, January 30, 2019
"Longing" by Aashika Suresh
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