Published May 15th, 2025
NYC Poetry Contest #4 – First Place
by Kinsasha Stephen
It feels weird.
Being happy without you here.
Wrong.
Like I'm betraying the most important parts of myself.
Like feelings of bliss will never belong.
I've been strong.
Never cry in front of anyone.
Make jokes about it until the lump that appears
in my throat when I speak of you,
is gone.
Force the tears that want to escape,
back into my body,
like toxic waste.
Swear happiness without my happiness
isn't an option.
So I deal with the toxic places.
Torture myself with escape rooms I'll never leave.
Wishing I could rip my ears off
While your voice echoes in my brain.
It's become the safest
Option for a grieving sister
in a sinister race
between ratoinality and the guilt consuming me.
My head in a wild goose chase,
searching for my own sanity.
Still a jack of all trades.
Still searching for some normalcy.
Still in utter disbelief of your physical absence.
Still speaking to you the way I would normally.
Truthfully?
I'm in denial.
that's why I'm happy.
Or at least I tell myself I am.
That's what it may seem.
Who would've known,
the first person I'd manipulate,
would be me.
About the Poet
Kinsasha Stephen resides in Brooklyn, New York, United States.
Read the poet's biography on Kinsasha Stephen's Artist Page.
This poem is also featured in Wax Poetry and Art Magazine #7,
published in the Wax Poetry and Art Library.
Previously published in NYC Poetry Magazine:
Westside Park, and Everything After
by Annie Downey
NYC Poetry Magazine is part of the Wax Poetry and Art Network.
- Visit the main Wax Poetry and Art Submissions Page to see all opportunities.
- Visit the Wax Poetry and Art Library.
- This website and all contents ©Kirk Ramdath and specified artists.
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