Young Poets 13 to 15 –

"I've Only Died Now" by Javier Hernandez

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January 15th, 2026

I've Only Died Now

by Javier Hernandez

The time has come 
 
They tell us the choices we make will pave our path 
That our past will come back to haunt us 
But the past is gone 
They told me it would go black 
So I enjoyed while it lasted 
But they didn't say 
it would lose its brightness 
Gradual – fleeting –
Like rain streaking down glass 
Fleeting was fine  
Nothing after, I hope  
This one would lose its value 
If followed by eternity  
But how could I know  
I've only died now 
 
Are these my choices or the ones of my ancestors? 
What built up to me? 
Why? 
I don't want to be judged 
for how I act now 
After all, I didn't choose to be here 
and if I was judged 
I shouldn't spend all eternity in ache 
but how could I know? 
I've only died now 
 
But fine 
I'm meant to die 
So how could I live? 
If my purpose is my end  
What to do here 
I'll never forget what I'm meant for 
To die 
Anytime will do 
I don't want to spend eternity in heaven with you, 
The time we had in mortality was perfect 
Finite is precious 
I don't want to get tired of you 
Eternally, it's bound to happen 
'Cause it wouldn't be you 
You're not perfect 
 
I don't want to go to heaven 
I'm already in heaven 
Perfectly dull and unbalanced  
Meaningless but bounded 
 
No one knows nor has the power to decide what we think happens 
After all, no one here has died 
And 
I've only died now 

About the Poet
Javier Hernandez resides in Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada.
Read the poet's biography and Young Poets World publications on Javier Hernandez's Artist Page.

Young Poets Collection
This poem is also featured in Young Poets Collection #1, published in the Young Poets World Library.

Keywords: death, reflection, finite existence

Previously published in Young Poets 13 to 15:
The Way I Hate You So
by Elicia Lee

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